我的雅思作文已经连着两次五了,Topic:Somepeopl-查字典问答网
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  我的雅思作文已经连着两次五了,Topic:Somepeoplebelievethatchildrenaregiventoomuchfreetime.Theyfeelthatthistimeshouldbeusedtodomoreschoolwork.Howdoyouthinkchildrenshouldspendtheirfreetime?Inmanycountries,pa

  我的雅思作文已经连着两次五了,

  Topic:Somepeoplebelievethatchildrenaregiventoomuchfreetime.Theyfeelthatthistimeshouldbeusedtodomoreschoolwork.

  Howdoyouthinkchildrenshouldspendtheirfreetime?

  Inmanycountries,parentstodaytendtosendtheirchildrentosupplementaryclassesintheirfreetime.Becausetheybelievetoomuchfreetimeforchildrentorecreatisawasteoftimeinthisrapidlydevelopingsociety.However,manypeoplethinktimeoutsideschoolforchildrenhavemuchmoreusefulfunctiontothemratherthanreceivingcontinuedacademicwork.

  Undeniably,childreninthesedayshavetofaceuptomorestressthaneverbefore,assomecontinuousinventionsregardingtechnologiesandskillsandtheincreasinglyseriouscompetitionfrompeer.Theyhavesomanyacademicknowledgeandpracticesshouldbedoneinschool,iftheywanttoreceivethebesteducationandobtainanexcenllentjobinthefuture.Therefore,itseemstomakesensethatleisuretimeforchildrenshouldbereducedtotakeupmorepracticalandusefulschoolmission.

  However,itisoversimpletoconcludethattimeisuselessandonlyshouldaccountforalittleproportionoftimeduringchildhoodofakid.Infact,manyreaserchfindingshaveconfirmthatthesetimehaveprofoundeffectsonachild'sfuturedevelopmentorindividuality.Forexample,someboysorgirlsusingfreetimeplaywithotherkidsthenhelpthemtoadjusttocommunicationinanearlyageandbuiltapowerfulpersonalrelationship.Additonally,somechildrenapplyingthesetimehelpparentswithhouseworkandobtainthesenseoffulfillmentorresponsibility.Itsurelybringsaboutpositiveinfluencesinchilren'sgrowingprosess.Bycontrast,theyunabletogettheseinschoolbydoingacademicjob.Moreover,thesefreetimegivekidsachancetodistributetheirlifebetweenlearningandplaying,whichisanotheressentialabilityforfuturedevelopmentofanindividual.

  Ipersonallybelievethat,theremusthaveenoughfreetimeforchildrentolearnorexperencesomethingtheyarelesslikelytoattainatschool.Inspiteofimportanceofschoolingaswell,freetimeforchildrenthemselvesshouldnotbediprivedtodoextraacademicschoolwork.

1回答
2020-06-28 18:38
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刘树德

  同意楼上.另外我还觉得你的结构有些问题.第三段中你的第二个和第三个子观点有点简单了,可以再扩展或者举例,就像第一个子观点那样,这样看起来结构会好一些.

2020-06-28 18:41:48

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