雅思作文批改：最好能给个合理的分数,topic:Somepeoplebelievethatchildrenshouldbeallowedtostayathomeandplayuntiltheyaresixorsevenyearsold.Othersbelievethatitisimportantforchildrentogotoschoolassoonas

　　雅思作文批改：最好能给个合理的分数,

　　topic:Somepeoplebelievethatchildrenshouldbeallowedtostayathomeandplayuntiltheyaresixorsevenyearsold.Othersbelievethatitisimportantforchildrentogotoschoolassoonaspossible.Whatdoyouthinkaretheadvantagesofattendingschoolfromayoungage?

　　内容：

　　Currently,moreandmorepeopleprefertheirchildrentoattendschoolwhentheyareprettyyoung.I,indeed,dobelievethatthereareamultitudeofstrengthstotheirphysicalandmentalwell—being.

　　Firstofall,avastnumberofgreateducationalresourcessuchaswell—trainedteachersandspecializedfacilitiesareofferedwithinschools,whichmayexpendtheiroutlookandgainknowledgemorescientifically.Specifically,theseteacherscanmotivatethemtodeveloptheirinterestandspecialtyandhelpthembuildself-esteemsinceyoung.Therefore,childrennotonlyrelaxtheirbodiesandeaseminds,butalsotherewillbeastrongbasementforlearninginthefuture.Maybetheycanattainmoreexcellentacademicperformancethanotherswhostayalwaysathome.

　　Inadditiontothis,childrencanlearnhowtocooperatewithothers.Forinstance,asaindividualofstudentswhocomefromdifferentareassometimesisdifficulttocompleteamissionteachersarrangetothem.Therefore,theyneedcomminutewithothersandfinishittogether.Moreover,atleasttodefine,keepingstudentsatschoolwhenhewasachild,folksactuallyrelievemoreorlessburdenssothattheyhaveenoughtimetodealwithlivingorworkoftheirown.

　　Althoughtherearesomanyadvantagesforchildren,excessiveschoolingmaylowerfreedomwhichachildshouldhavebeenhad.Iftheyarearrangedmosttimetoattendschoolevennotalittlefreedom,hemaygetacontraryresult.

　　Tosumup,goingtoschoolearlymakegreatcontributioninenhancingthedevelopmentofstudents,butaproperformmustbeoutlined.Inanotherword,althoughtheirchildrenneedtimeforthemselves,parentscankeeptheirchildrenatkidgardonforadaptingtoformalschoolinginadvance.

　　注意：希望懂雅思的人高手来,不懂雅思的就不要凑热闹了!最好仔细修改一下,我给的悬赏也不算少哦

　　五楼的高手,我知道你说的很有道理,可是你能给我具体修改一下吗?