FirstFlight

　　Mr.Johnsonhadneverbeenupinanaerophanebeforeandhehadreadalotaboutairaccidents,soonedaywhenafriendofferedtotakehimforarideinhisownsmallphane,Mr.Johnsonwasveryworriedaboutaccepting.Finally,however,hisfriendpersuadedhimthatitwasverysafe,andMr.Johnsonboardedtheplane.

　　Hisfriendstartedtheengineandbegantotaxiontotherunwayoftheairport.Mr.Johnsonhadheardthatthemostdangerouspartofaflightwerethetake-offandthelanding,sohewasextremelyfrightenedandclosedhiseyes.

　　Afteraminuteortwoheopenedthemagain,lookedoutofthewindowoftheplane,andsaidtohisfriend,"Lookatthosepeopledownthere.Theylookassmallasants,don'tthey?"

　　"Thoseareants,"answeredhisfriend."We'restillontheground."

　　第一次坐飞机

　　约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机,他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道.所以,有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时,约翰逊先生非常担心,不敢接受.不过,由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的,约翰逊先生终于被说服了,登上了飞机.

　　他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行.约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落,所以他吓得紧闭双眼.

　　过了一两分钟,他睁开双眼朝窗外望去,接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人,他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小,是不是?”

　　“那些就是蚂蚁,”他的朋友答道,“我们还在地面上.”

　　ANailOrAFly?

　　Anoldgentlemanwhoseeyesightwasfailingcametostayinahotelroomwithabottleofwineineachhand.Onthewalltherewasaflywhichhetookforanail.Sothemomenthehungthemon,thebottlesfellbrokenandthewinespiltalloverthefloor.Whenawaitressdiscoveredwhathadhappened,sheshoweddeepsympathyforhimanddecidedtodohimafavour.

　　Sothenextmorningwhenhewasouttakingawalkintheroofgarden,shehammeredanailexactlywheretheflyhadstayed.

　　Nowtheoldmanenteredhisroom.Thesmellofthespiltwineremindedhimoftheaccident.Whenhelookedupatthewall,hefoundtheflywasthereagain!Hewalkedtoitcarefullyadnslappeditwithallhisstrength.Onhearingaloudcry,thekind-heartedwaitressrushedin.Tohergreatsurprise,thepooroldmanwastheresittingonthefloor,histeethclenchedandhisrighthandbleeding!

　　钉子还是苍蝇?

　　一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房.他双手各拿一瓶酒.在墙上有只苍蝇,他误以为是枚钉子.他把两只瓶子朝上一挂,瓶子掉下来摔碎了,酒洒了一地.一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后,对他深表同情,决定帮他个忙.

　　于是,第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时,她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方.

　　这里,老人回到了房里.倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事.他抬头往墙上一看,苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近,使尽全力拍了一掌.听到一声大叫,好心的女服务员冲进房来.让她大为吃惊的是,可怜的老头正坐在地板上,牙关紧咬,右手滴血不止.

　　ChaudeandCold

　　ApatroninMontrealcafeturnedonatapinthewashroomandgotscalded."Thisisanoutrage,"hecomplained."ThefaucetmarkedCgavemeboilingwater."

　　"But,Monsieur,Cstandsforchaude-Frenchforhot.YoushouldknowthatifyouliveinMontreal."

　　"Waitaminute,"roaredthepatron."TheothertapisalsomarkedC."

　　"Ofcourse,"saidthemanager,"Itstandsforcold.Afterall,Montrealisabilingualcity."

　　热与冷

　　蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头,结果被水烫伤了.“这太可恶了,”他抱怨道,“标着C的龙头流出的是开水.”

　　“可是,先生,C代表Chaude－法语里代表‘热’.如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点.”

　　“等等,”那位顾客咆哮一声,“另外一个龙头同样标的是C.”

　　“当然,”经理说道：“它代表冷.毕竟,蒙特利尔是个双语城市.”

　　ImitateBirds

　　Amantriedtogetajobinastageshow."Whatcanyoudo?"askedtheproducer.

　　"Imitatebirds,"themansaid.

　　"Areyoukidding?"answeredtheproducer,"Peoplelikethatareadimeadozen."

　　"Well,Iguessthat'sthat."saidtheactor,ashespreadhisarmsandflewoutthewindow.

　　模仿鸟儿