求高人批改雅思作文,请问这样能拿多少分呢?Atpresent-查字典问答网
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来自戴秀英的问题

  求高人批改雅思作文,请问这样能拿多少分呢?Atpresent,anexcellenteducationisnotsimplyconfinedtothedeliveryofknowledge.Itinvolovesthecultivationofdifferentconsciousness.Sowhetherthesenseofcompetitionorcooperation

  求高人批改雅思作文,请问这样能拿多少分呢?

  Atpresent,anexcellenteducationisnot

  simplyconfinedtothedeliveryofknowledge.Itinvolovesthecultivationof

  differentconsciousness.Sowhetherthesenseofcompetitionorcooperation

  shouldbeencouragedinchildrenarousescontroversy.

  Competitioniswidelythroughttobethe

  maindrivingforceforhumankind.Withoutthecompetition,peoplewouldgaina

  senseoffulfillmentratherthanthecrisisawareness.Theyevenbecomeslothful

  andbeunwillingtoconfrontwiththeriskandchallenge.Sothesenseof

  competitioncanprovidepeoplewiththemotivationwhichcaninspirethemtobe

  aggressive.Also,competitioncanhelpindividualtostimulatetheabilityand

  fulfillthepotentialsincepeoplewilldotheirutmosttodefeattheirrivals

  underthepressure.Additionally,comparedwithothercompetitors,peoplewould

  findtheirownshortcomingsanddrawonothers'strengths,therebybettering

  themselves.

  However,thesenseofcompetitionmaylead

  peopletobeselfishandpretentious,soitisessentialforchildrentolearn

  tocooperatewithothersascooperationisbeneficialtostengthenbondsamong

  children,avoidconflictsandmakethemunderstandtheimportanceofteam

  spirit,especiallywhentheyaredoingsomegroupactivitiessuchasthe

  footballmatchandshortplay.Further,cooperationcanpromotethedevelopment

  ofcommunicationskillswhichcontributestowardstheabiliestoorganizeand

  coordinate.Mostimportantly,effectivecooperationcanboosttheefficiencyand

  savethetimeandmoney.Thatistosay,therewouldbeawin-winsituationfor

  people,onconditionthattheylearntobuildcooperativerelationships.

  Bothcompetitionandcooperationare

  integralpartsofhumanlives,theybecomeincreasinglyinterralatedand

  interdependent.Therefore,Ithinkpeopleshouldhelptheirchildrentostrikea

  balancebetweenthemandIbelievechildrencaninspireeachotherandachievecommonprogressbykeepingacompetitivethroughtinc

4回答
2020-09-07 15:25
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田增山

  1."involoves",这里应该是"involves";

  2."inchildren",是不是改为among更好点?

  3.“throught”,应是"thought";

  4."beunwillingto",这里be用的不对,前边缺东西.

  5.”confrontwith“,这里用错了,confront是个及物动词,应当直接跟宾语.

  6.”sincepeoplewilldotheirutmost“,这里since用的似乎不对吧?

  7."drawonothers'strengths,therebybetteringthemselves.改为:drawonothers'strengthstobetterthemselves.是否更好?个人感觉你用的似乎不恰当.

  8.”pretentious,so“这句话前后不搭,有木有?”stengthenbonds“,不是加强团结的意思吧?

  9.”savethetime“,去掉the.

  10."Bothcompetitionandcooperationareintegralpartsofhumanlives,theybecomeincreasinglyinterralatedandinterdependent",这句缺少了连词.

  11.”interralated“,应是,interrelated

  12."throughtincooperation",很不通顺,是否有错?

  (看雅思的作文,真的很费时间,好多单词我都不太认识.你词汇好丰富,很佩服!但是个人感觉,你通篇作文中还是简单句太多了,还有意思重复的内容貌似多了点,你可以用复杂句型来表达丰富含义嘛,要不会显得很累赘,对吗?不过你的词汇量真的很大,很厉害.如果我上面的改正有什么不足,请指正!)

2020-09-07 15:29:17
戴秀英

  谢谢你,我打完了没回去纠正单词,除了拼错的词1,3,11,12有拼写错误,大概能有什么分数呢?

2020-09-07 15:32:35
田增山

  我还没考雅思,所以我做不出确切的评价,实在抱歉。

2020-09-07 15:34:21
戴秀英

  。。。。。

2020-09-07 15:36:36

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