麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分?谢谢~题目:Some-查字典问答网
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  麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分?谢谢~题目:Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodortea

  麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分?谢谢~

  题目:Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodorteachingsportstoyoungerchildren)Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?

  文章:Nowadays,withtheimprovementofsociety,dozensofhighschoolsrequesttheirstudentstodosomeunpaidcommunityservice.Igoalongwiththisidea,andIesteemthisisabenefittostudents;theycanacquiremanythingsfromthis.

  Ithinkvolunteeringisagoodwaytodeveloptheabilityofstudents.Whenthestudentvolunteerstheycanfindconfidence.Forexample,whentheyfinishworksuccessfully,thepartnerwillgivethemthanksandencouragement;theycangetsenseofachievement.Inaddition,theycanboosttheirabilityofexpression.Forinstance,theyneedtotalkwithotherpeoplewhiletheywork,sotheycanimprovethiscapabilityveryquick.Moreover,theirorganisationcapabilitywillhaveabigenhancement.Forexample,theyhavetoarrangesomethings,andsometimestheyneedtointroducetheworktoanewbie;theyneedtoteacheverythingtonewbie.Thus,theyobligetolearnaboutandorganizeeverythingfirstly.

  Inmyopinion,volunteeringisadecentexperienceforeveryone.Thestudentcanlearnhowtohelpotherpeople.Forinstance,whenthepeoplearecoming,theyneedtogivepeoplehelp,andtheywillknowthesignificanceofaidingothers.Ontheotherhand,theycanobtainworkexperience.Alotofcompaniespayattentiontotheworkexperienceofapplicants,andvolunteeringisakindofworkexperience;itiscrucialforthestudentinthefuture.

  AsfarasIamconcerned,volunteeringisabenefittosociety.Thisexperiencecanenhancethequalityofpeople.Forexample,thestudentcanlearnlotsofpositivethingswhiletheyvolunteer,andtheycanhaveanexecllentchange.Aboveall,thiswaycansavelaborcosts,becausetodaylaborcostsareveryexpensive,throughthismethodwecansavelotsofmoney.

  Overall,Ibelievevolunteeringisplummyforstudents,andthroughthiswaytheycanboosttheircapabilityandgainsomesubstantialexperience.Meanwhile,ithelpsthesociety,hence,weshouldagreetheschoolaskstudentstovolunteer.

1回答
2020-09-18 20:13
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崔学雷

  Thisisverygood!Areyouinhighschooloruniversity?

  Someadvices:

  1)youusedquitealotoftheword"things","everything".Youshouldtrytouseexactwords.Forexample,inthefirstparagraph,"theycanacquiremanythingsfromthis"canberewrittenas"theycanacquireexperienceswhichtheycanneverthinkof".

  2)Inthesecondparagraph,"organisationcapability"shouldbe"organisingcapability".

  3)Inthethirdparagraph,don'tunderstandwhatdoyoumeanby"thesignificanceofaidingothers"

  4)"AsfarasIamconcerned"shouldbe"AsfarasIamconcern"."concern"isalittlebitstrangetoChinese.Theworditselfispassive.Wedonotneedtoadd"ed"tomakeitpassive.

  5)Idon'tthinksavingmoneyasolidpointinthisarticle.Inallcircumstances,thegovernmentshouldhelppeople.Volunteeringshouldbesomethingextraforthesocietytobemoreharmonic.

  6)Changingtheattitdueofstudentsmaybeanotherpointtosupport.

  Hopethesecanhelp.

2020-09-18 20:18:01

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