批改一下雅思作文Topic:Somepeoplethinkmusicplaysanimportantroleinsociety.Othersthinkitisitissimplyaformofentertainment.Discussbothsidesofthisargumentandgiveyourownopinion.Inmanypartsoftheworld,artisinextrica

　　批改一下雅思作文

　　Topic:Somepeoplethinkmusicplaysanimportantroleinsociety.Othersthinkitisitissimplyaformofentertainment.Discussbothsidesofthisargumentandgiveyourownopinion.

　　Inmanypartsoftheworld,artisinextricablyassociatedwiththewholecommunity.Specifically,peoplecavesculpturesinhonerofgreatpeoplewhocontributetohuman'sprogress,orpaintedrecordsbitsandpiecesoflife.Amongtheseartforms,musicenjoyswidepopularaffections.

　　Manypeoplefindmusicisindispensableforthesociety,forinstance,numerouspsychiatrichospitalsuseitasacuretool;whenpeoplelistensomesoftmusic,theywillfeelrelaxandbecomeactivityagainafterhardwordingallday;eveninthefactories,leadersplaymusictohelpemployeesworkmoreefficiently.What'smore,musichaslongbeenanexpressionofpeoplefromdifferentculturesaroundtheworld.However,nomatterhowmuchitmayhavedifferedindisparityparts,itseemsthatmusicservedageneralsocietypurpose:tobringpeopletogether.

　　Thosewhofeelthatmusicisjustatypeofamusementmightarguethatitcanbereplacedbyanyofrecreationalactivities.Thereseemstobesomelikelihoodthatpeoplecanreleasetheirworkingpressurebysports,atthesametime,itcanstrongtheirbodyeither.Inthesameway,havingafternoonteaisagreatdiversionforpeople,theycouldchatwitheachotheratalightenvironment,inthisway,stresswilldisappearunconsciously.

　　Personally,Ithinkthatmusicistheperfectartandourliveswouldbethatmuchlesscompletewithoutit,itisoneofthewayswemakesenseofourlives,oneofthewaysinwhichweexpressfeelingwhenwehavenowords,awayforustounderstandthingswithourheartswhenwecan'twithourminds.So,inmyopinionmusicisbothimportanttoindividualandsociety.

　　语法错误?逻辑改进?大概分数?