Nowadays,the【不用the了】artplaysincreasinglyimportantroleinpeoples【people’s】dailylifespirituallyandculturallyduetoimprovementoflivingstandardonaverage.Naturally,somepeoplebelievethatgovernments【thegovernment】shouldsticktoinvest【consistoninvesting】sufficientmoneyregularlyintodevelopingtheartindustryregardlessofmanysevereproblemshavenotbeenaddressedyet【这半句放在前面好一点】.Personally【加逗号】Ipartlyagreewiththeopinion【s】expressedabove.

　　Admittedly,therearesomebenefits【that】canbeprovidedbyartintermsofindividualsleisuretime.Generallyspeaking【这个可以用但是很老的词组了】,itisimperativethatpeoplerelaxtheirbodiesandeasy【ease?】theirmindsafterworkingorstudyingbyappreciatingtheart.Forinstance,themovie【,可以加个逗号表示后面的是修饰语】asoneofthemostprevalentartitem,mayoccupies【mayoccupy或者直接occupies】manyindividualsmostofsparetime【mostofthesparetimeofmanyindividuals】.Inadditiontothis【tothis可去掉】,themusictendbebe【tendtobe?】thesecondwell-likedone【ones】in【among】peoples【people's?】recreationalway,【分号或者句号】usuallywecanlistentomusicwithouttime,place【timeandplace两个词用and后面还有and也没关系的】restriction【s】andkeeping【keep因为前面是can】thegoodmond【moods?】tosomeextend【extent.】.Asaconsequence,governments【nos】【should或者need?你是少打了嘛.】spendmoneyinartforthesakeofindividualsneedswhichmightbe【ismightbe显得不坚定--不过这随你】crucial.

　　Ontheotherhand,therearevarious【各种各样的--好的吧】aspects【thatfighting】against【against不是动词】theseviewpoints.Itissurely【surely是adv这里要用adj】tosay【that只是读的更通一点】theartcannotdealwith【solvedealwith是处理偏向主观上的那种这里还是解决好点?】suchproblemsintermsofeducation,medicine,homelessnessetc【formalwriting里最好别用缩写】immediately【放在problems后面副词要尽量紧跟动词】.Indeed,noonecandenythevalueofart,butifthereareavastnumberofimpoverishedpeoplefromdifferentcountriesareliving【thatlive前面已经有are了这里不能再用】inmisery,whatkindofrolethattheartplayinthosepeople?【还是写formalwriting的时候最好别用一个疑问句反问句的话好点】.Furthermore,dueto【the】restrictedinvestmentofgovernmentrevenue,ifgovernmentsinvestenormousmoneyindevelopmentofartitems【developingartitems能用动词的时候不用名词】andthen【不要andthen了直接逗号】theinvestmentrelatedtootherseriousissuesmightbediminished.

　　Inconclution,theartiscertainlybring【certainlybrings这里干嘛要正在进行时】about【去掉about】somebenefitsforpeople,particularly【in】relievingindividuals【individuals‘】presure.Iwouldsaythatinvestmentofartisnecessary,butitdoesnotmeangovernments【thegovernment】shouldfundartareaswithoutfinanciallimit.Itisbetterforgovernments【to】givepriority【priorities】totakeotherurgentissuesintoaccountandexploringallavenuestodealwiththeseproplems.