Goodeveningladiesandgentlemen

　　这个说法比较正式,比较套路,改成下面比较亲切：

　　Goodevening,myfellowclassmates,schoolmates,andfriends

　　Firstly,Iwannaaskyoutwoquestions:howmanytimesdoyoucallyourparentsinasemester?Andhowmanyhoursdoyouspendwithyourfamily?

　　修改wannaask比较强势改成wouldliketo比较委婉有礼貌.

　　momanddad的用法比较能唤醒大家的认同感.

　　给爸妈打电话,不是call,而是phone,或者makeaphonecallto.call这个单词虽然说有打电话的意思,但是西方人一般不这么用.因为他意思比较多,比较容易混淆.

　　Tostartwith,I'dliketoaskyoutwoquestions:howmanytimesdoyouphoneyourMomandDadduringasemester?Andevenwhenyouarehome,howmanyhoursdoyouguysspendwithyourfamily?

　　Thissummerholiday,Iwentbackhomefor10days.Isurfedinternetorwatchedtvdailyinmyroom.

　　一般口语话演讲说话比较随意,英语表达surfthenet比较常用.

　　Thissummerholiday,Iwentbackandstayedathomefor10days.IspentalldaysurfingthenetandwatchingTVinmyownroom.Icanbesatinfrontofmycomputerforhoursanditwilljustfeellikefiveminuteshavegoneby,timedoesflywhenIamhavingfun.

　　Onenight,whenIwassearchingtheinternetthewholehouseblack-outsuddenly.Then,mymumtoldmetocometotheyard,andIfoundedthatmyparentsandmyeldersisterwerehere.

　　家里停电你用blackout,老外听了会吓一跳,呵呵.用theelectricitywentoff

　　suddenly有时显得比较笨拙,allofasudden比较口语化,比较好一些

　　mumtoldme这里可以用call这个词了,喊的意思比较形象一些.

　　给你加了一句There'snotasolitaryinstanceofthishavinghappenedtheseyears.来强调停电多么难得,增加你演讲的戏剧效果.

　　Onenight,whenIwassearchingtheinternet.Allofasudden,theelectricitywentoff.There'snotasolitaryinstanceofthishavinghappenedtheseyears.Everybodyinthehouseseemedcalm,mumcalledmeouttothebackyard.WhenIgotout,Isawmyparentsandmysisterwerealreadyhere.

　　wechattedwitheachother,fulloflaughterandhappiness.inthedark,eventhoughIcan’tsawthemclearlyatthattimeIenjoyedthefamilysweetiness.Mymumsaid:”Doyouknow,wehaven’tbeentogetherforalongtime.EverythimeIwannatalktoyou,youjustfacedtoyourlovedcomputer.”

　　inthedark换做inthedarkness比较好,只强调黑暗事实本身.

　　eventhough换做though,不一样的意思.

　　familysweetiness换做familywarmth习惯用法

　　Wechattedwitheachother,fulloflaughterandfun.Inthedarkness,thoughwewereunabletoclearlyseeeachother,Ienjoyedthefamilywarmth.Mymumsaid:”Youknowwhat,wehaven’tbeentogetherforalongtime.Evenyouarehome,everythimeIwannatalktoyou,youalwayssatfocusedinfrontofyourlovedcomputer.”

　　Iwasshockedandkeptsilent.atthatverymoment.thepowerwason.wellIdidn’tcomebacktomylovedcomputerbutstayedwithmyfamily.Andafter10days,Ihadtocomebackschool.thisismyfirsttimenotwillingtoleave.

　　加了一句Guiltwaswrittenallovermyfaceatthatverymoment.

　　Iwasshockedandkeptsilent.Guiltwaswrittenallovermyfaceatthatverymoment.whentheelectricitywason.well,Ididn'tcomebacktomylovedcomputer,Ikeptstayingwithmyfamily.Wechattedunitillateatnight.After10days,Ihadtocomebackschool.Thisismyfirsttimenotwillingtoleave.

　　Ladiesandgentlemen,Chinesepeopleknowfilialpietybutlackrealactions.ItseemsthatChildrenhadtheircomputersandworkersunfocusonhiscareer.Andelderdaughterpayattentiontoherownfamily.

　　去掉了后面一句话

　　Myfrie