不恰当的地方我会在括号中写上我改完的,如果是小错的话我会用大写字体,没错的地方我不会动的：

　　Inmysummerholiday.Ireadabookcalled.(改：Duringmysummerholiday,Ireadabookcalled"HarryPotterandtheDeathHallows")It’stheendingofTHEHarryPotterseries,WHICHISQUITEfamousintheworld.ItswriterisJ.K.Rowlin.Thisbooktellsalong,excitingstory.

　　UNFORTUNATELYINTHESTORY,Dumbledorewaskilled.THEMAINCHARACTERS,Harry,RonandHermionemustfindVoldmort’s5Horcruxesanddestroythem.AlotofDeathEatershidneartheirhousesandtheirschool,sotheyhadtorunaway(择词：建议用ESCAPE代替RUNAWAY)fromhome.VoldmortwantedtokillHarry.HeinvadedHogwards.(改：VoldmortwantedtokillHarrybyinvadingHogwards-->两句话连起来)ThebattleofHogwardsbrokeout.EverybodycametoprotectHogwards.(改：AsthebattlebrokeoutinHogwards,everybodycametoprotectit.)Atlast,HarrydefeatedVoldmortandgot3DeathHallows.Fromhere,helivedhappily.(改：Fromhere,helivedhappilyeverafter.)

　　Thestoryisterrific!Thewriterdesignedthisstory(择词：这里建议可以用storyplot,intrigue等等代替story)withgreatcare,Ithink(改：Isuppose比较好).Infact,there’ssomehintofthisstoryinotherHarryPotterbooks.（改：Infact,theauthorhasprovidedsomehintsofthisstorylineinotherbooksoftheserie.）Thingsinthestoryareconvincing,althoughthere’re(是they're不是there're)nottrue.Alotofspecialthingsappearedinthestory,forexample,BetieBottsBeansTHATtasteDverystrangeandchocolatefrog.Canyoubelievethatafrogmadeofchocolatecanbeeaten?It(不要说"It",bespecific:"Thebook...")alsohas(择词："...alsoincluded...")somespecialactivities(择词:events),likeQuiddich,WHICHISagamethatpeopleplayedonabroom;TriwizardTourament,it’sacompetitionbetween3magicschools.Yousee,thestoryISjustlikeanotherworld,amagicalworld.Thisattractspeople'SATTENTION!

　　BESIDESthespecialthingsandactivities,thepeopleinthestoryalsoattractus.HarryPotter,RonandHermioneareTHEMAINCHARACTERSinthestory.Theywerebraveandwereverygoodfriends.J.K.RowlindesignedthemverydelicateLY.Thedescriptionofthepeopleinthestoryisvividandvigorous.Inthestory,somethingwereaboutpeople’smorality.Includingthebattleofjusticeandevil,badpeoplerepented.(改：Thestoryalsotoldusaboutpeople'smorality,includingthebattleofgoodversusevil.--->文章的一大theme:goodvs.evil你指出得很好!)So,thisstoryISjustlikethemirrorREFLECTINGourtruelife,don’tyouthinkSO?

　　Alotofpeopleweredeeplymovedafterreadingthisbook.ThemostunforgettablesceneisthebattleofHogwards.WhenVoldmortaskedwherewasHarry,nobodysoldHarry.NomatterIFITWERERavenclaw,HufflepufforGryffindor,theyallHADONEGOALtoprotectHogwards.Theghostandthestudentswhohadalreadyfinishedschool(改：你说的是已经毕业的么如果是的话那么应该是"...STUDENTSWHOHADALREADYGRADUATEDFROMSCHOOL..."如果不是的话,抱歉理解错误）cametohelpthem,too.Fromthisscene,itembodied（择词：demonstrated,showed...)theirunite(UNITY-->这里用名词）andbravery.TheyWEREN'TafraidofdeathBUTHAVEputITentirelyoutoftheirmindS.ThEIRspiritSWEREverynoble.NotonlyINthischapter,BUTalotofOTHERdetailsTHROUGHOUTTHEBOOKalsotoldalittlemovingstorylikethis.(改：Notonlyinthischapter,butalotofotherdetailsthroughoutthebookalsotouchedtheheartsofreaders)

　　So,accordingtome,IthinkthisbookisverygoodforteenagerS.It’snotjustasimpl