goodnewsandbadnews

　　Thesoldiershadbeenmarchingandfighting,theyweredirty,hotandtired.Oneday,thegeneralannounced:"Mymen,Ihavesomegoodnewsandsomebadnewsforyou.Whichonewouldyoulikefirst?"

　　"Thegoodnews!"theyallshouted.

　　"OK,"saidtheGeneral."Thegoodnewsisthatyouwilleachbereceivingacompletechangeofclothing."

　　"Hurrah!"chorusedthesoldiers.

　　"Andnowforthebadnews.Jack,youwillchangewithJohn.John,youwillchangewithTom.Tom,youwillchangewithRobert.Robert.

　　译：好消息和坏消息

　　士兵们连续的行军,作战,他们又累又热又脏.一天,将军宣布：“士兵们,我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们.你们愿意先听哪个呢?”

　　“好消息!”他们嚷道.

　　“好吧,”将军说,“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服.”

　　“乌拉!”士兵们高兴地大叫起来.

　　“现在呢,该是坏消息了.杰克,你将和约翰换衣服,约翰,你和汤姆换,汤姆,你和罗伯特换,罗伯特……”

　　幽默]-whatmilesonTheCar?

　　Ablonde（金发女郎）andabrunette（黑人妇女）weretalking,andtheblondewasverystressed.Thebrunetteaskedherwhatwasthematter.Theblondeproceededtotellherthatshereallyneededtosellhercar,butnoonewouldbuybecauseithas100,000milesonit.

　　Thebrunettesaidtoher,"Iknowawaythatwillhelpyousellit.Ihaveafriendwhocanhelpyou,butit'sillegal."

　　Theblondesaid,"I'lldoanything."Sothebrunettegavetheblondethephonenumberofaguywhocouldturnbacktheodometeronhercar.Aweeklatertheblondeandthebrunettecrossedpaths,andthebrunetteaskedtheblondeifshehadsoldhercaryet.

　　Theblondesaid,"WhywouldIsellacarwithonly50,000milesonit?!"

　　[幽默]-anOldMaid

　　Inatinyvillagelivedanoldmaid.Inspiteofheroldage,shewasstillavirgin.Shewasveryproudofit.Sheknewherlastdaysweregettingcloser,soshetoldthelocalundertakerthatshewantedthefollowinginscriptiononhertombstone:"Bornasavirgin,livedasavirgin,diedasavirgin."

　　Notlongafter,theoldmaiddiedpeacefully,andtheundertakertoldhismenwhattheladyhadsaid.Themenwenttocarveitin,butasthelazyno-goodstheywere,theythoughttheinscriptiontobeunnecessarilylong.Theysimplywrote:"Returnedunopened."

　　[幽默]-名演员的最后一次机会

　　Therewasonceagreatactorwhocouldnolongerrememberhislines.Aftermanyyearshefindsatheatrewheretheyarepreparedtogivehimachancetoshineagain.

　　Thedirectorsays,"Thisisthemostimportantpart,andithasonlyoneline.Youwalkontothestageattheopeningcarryingarose.Youholdtherosetoyournosewithjustonefingerandthumb,snifftherosedeeplyandthensaytheline‘Ah,thesweetaromaofmymistress.‘"

　　Theactoristhrilled.Alldaylongbeforetheplayhe‘spracticinghislineoverandoveragain.

　　Finally,thetimecame.Thecurtainwentup,theactorwalkedontothestage,andwithgreatpassiondeliveredtheline,"Ah,thesweetaromaofmymistress."

　　Thetheatreerupted,theaudiencewasscreamingwithlaughterandthedirectorwassteaming!

　　"Youbloodyfool!"hecried,"Youhaveruinedme!"

　　Theactorwasbewildered,"Whathappened,didIforgetmyline?"

　　"No!"screamedthedirector."Youforgottherose!"

　　[幽默]MyWifeWillExchangeThemTomorrow

　　Agentlemanwalksintoastoreandaskedforapairofgloves.

　　"Clothofleather?"askedthesalesperson.

　　"Makesnodifference,"repliedcustomer.

　　"Whatcolor?"asked