PacingandPausingSaratriedtobefriendheroldfriendSteve'snewwifebutBettyneverseemedtohaveanythingtosay.WhileSarafeltBettydidn'tholdupherendoftheconversationBettycomplainedtoStevethatSaranevergave

　　PacingandPausing

　　SaratriedtobefriendheroldfriendSteve'snewwifebutBettyneverseemedtohaveanythingtosay.WhileSarafeltBettydidn'tholdupherendoftheconversationBettycomplainedtoStevethatSaranevergaveherachancetotalk.Theproblemhadtodowithexpectationsaboutpacingandpausing.

　　Conversationisaturn-takinggame.Whenourhabitsaresimilarthere'snoproblem.ButifourhabitsaredifferentyoumaystarttotalkbeforeI'mfinishedorfailtotakeyourturnwhenI'mfinished.That'swhatwashappeningwithBettyandSara.

　　ItmaynotbecoincidentalthatBettywhoexpectedrelativelylongerpausesbetweenturnsisBritishandSarawhoexpectedrelativelyshorterpausesisAmerican.BettyoftenfeltinterruptedbySara.ButBettyherselfbecameaninterrupterandfoundherselfdoingmostofthetalkingwhenshemetavisitorfromFinland.AndSarahadahardtimecuttinginonsomespeakersfromLatinAmericaorIsrael.

　　Thegeneralphenomenonthenisthatthesmallconversationtechniqueslikepacingandpausingleadpeopletodrawconclusionsnotaboutconversationalstylebutaboutpersonalityandabilities.Thesehabitualdifferencesareoftenthebasisfordangerousstereotyping(思维定式).Andthesesocialphenomenacanhaveverypersonalconsequences.ForexampleawomanfromthesouthwesternpartoftheUSwenttoliveinaneasterncitytotakeupajobinpersonnel.WhenthePersonnelDepartmentgottogetherformeetingsshekeptsearchingfortherighttimetobreakin---andneverfoundit.AlthoughbackhomeshewasconsideredoutgoingandconfidentinWashingtonshewasviewedasshyandretiring.Whenshewasevaluatedattheendoftheyearshewastoldtotakeatrainingcoursebecauseofherinabilitytospeakup.

　　That'swhyslightdifferencesinconversationalstyle---tinylittlethingslikemicrosecondsofpause---canhaveagreateffectonone'slife.Theresultinthiscasewasajudgmentofpsychologicalproblems---eveninthemindofthewomanherselfwhoreallywonderedwhatwaswrongwithherandregisteredforassertivenesstraining

　　1.WhatdidSarathinkofBettywhentalkingwithher?

　　A.Bettywastalkative

　　B.Bettywasaninterrupter

　　C.Bettydidnot