哪位朋友能帮我批改一下这个雅思作文,我自己写的,第一次尝试,是剑桥4text4的小作文,ThefirstlinegraphtellsusthevisitabroadbyUKresidentsandvisitstotheUKbyoverseasresidents.Thesecondbarchatillustrates

　　哪位朋友能帮我批改一下这个雅思作文,我自己写的,第一次尝试,是剑桥4text4的小作文,

　　ThefirstlinegraphtellsusthevisitabroadbyUKresidentsandvisitstotheUKbyoverseasresidents.ThesecondbarchatillustratesthemostpopularcountriesvisitedbyUKresident1999.

　　Fromthefirstgraph,thevisitsabroadbyUKresidentsform12millions1979,to52millions1999.During2decades,theadditionwas40millions.ButthevisitstotheUKbyoverseasresidentsfrom10millions1979to27millions1999,approximate17millionsadditionsduringpast20years.

　　Evidently,inthebarchat,themostpopularcountrybyUKresidents1999isFrance,almost11millionsoftUKvisitorschosenit.SecondsSpain,about9.5millionsvisitorschosenit.The3rdto5thistheUSA,GreeceandTurkey.

　　ItisnoticeablethatwiththegrowingofUKresident,thecountrieswhicharoundtheBritishwillbethemostbeneficalcountries