【帮我改下托福作文吧万谢~~~Nowadays,withth-查字典问答网
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来自李火生的问题

  【帮我改下托福作文吧万谢~~~Nowadays,withtherapiddevelopmentofscienceandtechnology,peoplearefacingwithalotofnewchallengesandpressure.Itisundeniablethattheadventoftheinternetchangespeople'swayofworkingandstud】

  帮我改下托福作文吧万谢~~~

  Nowadays,withtherapiddevelopmentofscienceandtechnology,peoplearefacingwithalotofnewchallengesandpressure.Itisundeniablethattheadventoftheinternetchangespeople'swayofworkingandstudying.Byusingtheinternetpeoplecangetintouchwithothersfromallovertheworld,andcangettheup-to-dateinformationtheywant,whichbringsmoreefficiencyandconveniencetotheirdailywork.Sosomepeoplesuggestthatwecannowworkonlythreedaysaweekwithlonghoursratherthanwork5daysaweekwithregularhours.BasicallyIagreewiththisproposalforthefollowingreasons.

  First,peoplecanconcentratemoreontheirworkinordertofinishitin3days.Settingasidealongperiodoftimetodoonetaskislesstime-consumingandpeoplewillnotbedistractbyotherthingseasily.Forinstance,beforetheexam,I'dliketospendthewholedayreviewingtheconceptsanddoingsomeexerciseratherthanspendingseveraldaystogooverthebook.AndIfindoutthatbyfocusingononesubjectIcanbetterunderstandthestructureofthesubjectandlearnmoreefficiently.AlsoIusuallygethighmarksbydoingthis.

  Inaddition,youcanhave4daysoffaftertheintensework,soyoucanusethesedaystodothingsyoulike.Withthisfour-dayspan,peoplecanupdatetheirknowledge,learnanewability,hangoutwiththeirfriends,andtakecareoftheirfamilies.Forinstance,ahusbandcangotothesupermarkettobuysomeingredientsandcookadeliciousmealtohisfamilytoexpresshisloveandcare.Similarly,asoncangohometospendtheweekendswithhisparentstoshowhiscareandcomfort.Moreover,themancanevenusethewholedaytosleepandusetherestdaytohangoutwiththeirfriendsorlearntospeakaforeignlanguagewhichwilldogoodforhiswork.Evenifamanisahugefanofphotography,hecangotothemountainstotakefabulousphotos.Thesethingswillbringpeoplemuchcloserandmakepeople'slifebrighteraswell.

  Admittedly,thishigh-intensiveworkmayleadtobadhealthforthatpeopleliveairregularlifestyle.Butpeoplecanusetherest4daystohavearesttobalancetheirsleepinghours.

  Fromallabove,wecanseetheadvantagesof3-dayworkoverweighthedownsides.SoIthinkitisbettertowork3daysandhavealongrest.

1回答
2020-12-21 09:42
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范立莉

  我觉得很不错了,层次鲜明,读起来很顺口,语言功底很强.但是,我认为,第一段有些长了,你大概用了4行讲了些和主题没关系的,我知道是模板,但确实有点长,你把从第三句开始改变成相关一点的.XDF大牛说一般50~100就应该切题了.

  你用的++-的写法,很显然,negative有点单薄啊,既然分段了,字数少一眼就看出来了呀,或者你把它放在最后一段,当然不如丰富点好.

  最后结尾段应该稍微说一下你positive的观点,带两句:Sincepeoplecanbemoreconcentrativeandefffectiveattheirworkingtime,andhavemoretimetodowhatevertheywant,wecaneasilydrawtheconclusionthat…

  我觉得独立写作GOOD可能擦边,但是综合写作要也这个水平,24+有了吧.你写的比我好呢,我说说我的看法,大家共同进步!

2020-12-21 09:46:47

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