请帮忙批改下我的托福独立作文,7月23号就要考试了!刚开始准-查字典问答网
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来自孙黎鸿的问题

  请帮忙批改下我的托福独立作文,7月23号就要考试了!刚开始准备作文,写的第一篇和第二篇作文.麻烦帮忙修改下,然后我这两篇作文请问可以拿多少分?我会按修改好坏加分滴~10到30分不等!Doyou

  请帮忙批改下我的托福独立作文,7月23号就要考试了!

  刚开始准备作文,写的第一篇和第二篇作文.麻烦帮忙修改下,然后我这两篇作文请问可以拿多少分?我会按修改好坏加分滴~10到30分不等!

  Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement:

  Inordertobecomefinanciallyresponsibleadults,childrenshouldmanagetheirownmoneyattheyoungage.

  我的作文:

  Withthedevelopmentofonenation’spercapitaincome,itisnotraretoseethatchildrenhavemorechancestomanagetheirownmoneyattheyoungage.Consequently,Iamsoeagertosayafewwordstothisissue.Ireallyconsiderthatifthisplaniscarriedoutinthenearfuture,therewouldbemoreadvantagestobebroughttothequalityoflifeofoursocialcommunity.

  AndIhaveseveralspecificreasonsforagreeingwithit,whichareexplainedinthefollowingparagraphs.Firstly,fromapersonallyandpsychologicalperspective,itisgenerallybelievedthatmanagingone’sownmoneycouldcontributetobuildingtheirfinancialbudget,whichwoulddefinitelysavealargeamountofmoney.Iwanttotakeasingleexampleformyself.WhenIwastenyearsold,myfatherwouldgivemefiveyuaneachdaybeforesendingmetotheprimaryschoolinmyhometown.Fromthenon,Ibegintoformaconceptofmanagingmyownmoney.Withthehelpofthisearlyspecialeducation,ihavelearnedtowriteaplanbeforeIbuysomething,whichobviouslyleadsmetosavethepossiblywastedmoney.

  Secondly,themanagementofchildren’sownmoneyapparentlyalleviatetheirparents’burden.Ones’parentswouldhavetospendextratimeonpurchasinggoodsfortheirchildren.Forexample,aschoolbag,thetextbooks,pencils,clothesetc.Thisinevitablycostmuchtimeandneedtosparemoreenergy.Onthecontrary,iftheparentsgivethemoneytotheirchildrentoletthemadministeritbythemselves,theywouldhavemoretimetofocusontheirdailyworkortakearest,suchasplayinggolfandwatchingabasketballgame.

  Takingintoaccountallthesefactors,wemaysafelydrawtheconclusionthatthemanagementofchildren’sownmoneyisofgreatsignificance.Obviously,itsadvantagesofcultivatingones’financialconsciousnessandhelpingthembeearlyindependentfaroutweighitsdisadvantagesofwastingmoney.Nonetheless,itismoredesirableiftheparentsinfusetherightconceptofconsumptionin

3回答
2019-10-23 17:53
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林鹰

  有拼写错误,capita-capital第二点是,在比较正规的文章中,不会出现悬垂结构,你的第一局子就有问题,withthedevelopment,后的主语不应是it而应是children,还有,我在上托福办的时候老师就告诉我,要在第一段就把点子说...

2019-10-23 17:57:41
孙黎鸿

  谢谢!挺详细的~不过有几点我想再问下~悬垂结构是说前面长后边短把?第一段把电子说清就是把每一段的主要观点提炼出来写在第一段吗?还有这样的文章大概能拿几分呢?谢谢~

2019-10-23 18:01:00
林鹰

  好的,悬垂结构是,比如 Seeingherhealthsinkingrapidly,alarmclutchedthefather'sheart.她父亲看到她健康迅速恶化,很是惊慌。(分词seeing的逻辑主语当然不是alarm,但它包含在宾语heart的定语father's之中。)Hissummerholidayswerespentinthecountryside,helpinghisfatherwithfarmwork.他在乡下过暑假,帮助父亲干农活。(分词helping的逻辑主语包含在主语holidays的定语his之中)以上句子之所以能被接受,是因为它们能清楚表达意思,不会引起误解,如第一句中alarm是抽象名词,不会误解为seeing的逻辑主语;第二句中主语holidays是无生命的名词,不可能误解为helping的逻辑主语。2,是的,我上课是老师就是这么说的,因为你知道,改卷人一天要该很多卷子,所以他会先看你的首段,如果你把点子提出来了,她的思维就会比较清楚,3这作文大概是3-3,5吧,(满分5分)

2019-10-23 18:03:18

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