TheNewTeacherGeorgecomesfromschoolonthefirstofSeptember."George,howdidyoulikeyournewteacher?"askedhismother."Ididn'tlikeher,Mother,becauseshesaidthatthreeandthreeweresixandthenshesaidthattwoandfourweresixtoo."新老师9月1日,乔治放学回到家里."乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?"妈妈问."妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6,可后来又说2加4也得6."ExcuseforSpeedingExcuseforSpeedingHarryandLloydwerespeedingdowntheroad.Apolicecarpulledthemover.〃Whyonearthwereyoudrivingsofast?〃thepolicemanyelled.〃Ourbrakesarenogood-sowewantedtogettherebeforewehadanaccident!〃超速的理由哈里与劳埃德超速行驶,一辆警车拦住了他们.“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道.“我们的刹车不好,因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地.”A:What'sthedifferencebetweenamonkeyandaflea?B:Amonkeycanhavefleas,butafleacan'thavemonkeys.A:猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?B:猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.A:Whichisthestrongestcreatureintheworld?B:Thesnail.Itcarriesitshouseonitsback.A:世界上最强壮的动物是什么?B:蜗牛.因为它可以把自己的房子放在背上.A:Howdoyoustopasleepwalkerfromwalkinginhissleep?B:Keephimawake.A:怎样才能不让梦游者梦游呢?B:不让他睡觉.Heisreallysomebody--Myunclehas1000menunderhim.--Heisreallysomebody.Whatdoeshedo?--Amaintenancemaninacemetery.他真是一个大人物--我叔叔下面有1000个人.--他真是一个大人物.干什么的?--墓地守墓人.NotlongafteranoldChinesewomancamebacktoChinafromhervisittoherdaughterintheStates,shewenttoacitybanktodeposittheUSdollarsherdaughtergaveher.Atthebankcounter,theclerkcheckedeachnotecarefullytoseeifthemoneywasreal.Itmadetheoldladyoutofpatience.Atlastshecouldnotholdanymore,uttering."Trustme,Sir,andtrustthemoney.TheyarerealUSdollars.TheyaredirectlyfromAmerica."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元.在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假.这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票.这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的.”mylittledogcan'treadMrs.Brown:Oh,mydear,Ihavelostmypreciouslittledog!Mrs.Smith:Butyoumustputanadvertisementinthepapers!Mrs.Brown:It'snouse,mylittledogcan'tread.我的狗不识字布朗夫人：哦,亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!布朗夫人：没有用的,我的小狗不认识字.”Bringmethewinner--Waiter,thislobsterhasonlyoneclaw.--I'msorry,sir.Itmusthavebeeninafight.--Well,bringmethewinnerthen.给我那个打赢的吧--服务员,这个龙虾只有一只爪.--对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了.--哦,那给我那个打赢的吧.Onedayavisitorfromthecitycametoasmallruralareatodrivearoundthecountryroads,seehowthefarmslooked,andperhapstoseehowfarmersearnedtheirliving.Thecitymansawafarmerinhisyard,holdingapigupinhishands,andliftingitsothatthepigcouldeatapplesfromanappletree.Thecitymansaidtothefarmer,"Iseethatyourpiglikesapples,butisn"tthatquiteawasteoftime?"Thefarmerreplied,"What"stimetoapig?"一天,有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村,在乡间路上开着车,想看看农庄是什么样子,也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子.这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上,手中抱着一头猪,并把它举得高高的,好让它能够吃到树上的苹果.城里人对农夫说,"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的,但是,这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说,"时间对猪有什么意义?"TwobirlsTeacher:Herearetwobirds,oneisaswallow,theotherissparrow.Nowwhocantelluswhichiswhich?Student:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanswer.Teacher:Pleasetellus.Student:Theswallowisbesidethesparrowandthesparrowisbesidetheswallow.两只鸟老师：这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.老师：请说说看.学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.Themoreyoulearn,themoreyouknow,Themoreyouknow,themoreyouforget.Themoreyouforget,thelessyouknow.Sowhybothertolearn.学的越多,知道的越多,知道的越多,忘记的越多,忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着?!