【雅思作文评分并修改Somepeoplethinkmusic-查字典问答网
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来自蒋秋元的问题

  【雅思作文评分并修改Somepeoplethinkmusicisjustaformofentertainment,whileothersthinkitplaysmoreimportantroles.Discuss.Itisgenerallyacceptedthatthetechnologyisadvancingatanamazingspeedinprent-daysociety.Manypeo】

  雅思作文评分并修改

  Somepeoplethinkmusicisjustaformofentertainment,whileothersthinkitplaysmoreimportantroles.Discuss.

  Itisgenerallyacceptedthatthetechnologyisadvancingatanamazingspeedinprent-daysociety.Manypeopleliketolistentothemusictorelievetheirstress.Somepeoplebelievethatmusicismerelyakindofentertainmentwayforfun.Whileothers,however,assertthatithasmoremeaningsforindividuals.Frommyownperspective,Iaminfavorofthelatterview,butIwouldqualifyittosomeextent.

  Itisapparentlythatmusiccanbringaboutmanyadvantagesforourlife.Tobeginwith,withthecompetitionisincreasinglystiff,people'sworkarealwaysdiminishtheirleisuretimes.Toputitfromanotherway,theyneedmusictorelaxtheirbodiesandeasetheirminds,somusicisadvantageousforthem.Moreover,musiccanenhancingpeople'sefficiency.Unlikesomeindividualswhodonotliketolistentothemusic,theycanavoidemanymistakesandcanfinishtheirtasksearlier.Inaddition,musicisbeneficialforourhealth.Eventhroughlisteningthemusicmayspendsometime,itcaneliminatesomediseasesinourlives.Asamatteroffact,peoplecanusemusictocurbtheproliferationofthesediseases.Peoplewillhaveahealthybody,providedthattheyoftenlistentothemusics.

  However,otherpeoplearguethattheonlyfunctionofmusicisjustforentertainment.Inmyopinion,thosewhosupprtthisviewshouldbroadentheirhorizonstorealisethemusicdeeply.Asthemusicplaysapivotalroleinourlives,musiccanrelieveourpsychologicalburdens.

  Overall,fromwhathasbeendiscussedabove,wecaneasilydrawaconclusionthatmusicisveryhelpfultous.Iamconvincedthatmusicwillmakemoreachievementsinthefuture.

1回答
2019-12-13 22:23
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曹群

  我不熟悉雅思的评分方式(做TOEFL和sat比较多),但读了你的作文还是看出了一些问题.首先,你的第一句话似乎和整篇文章没有联系,Itisgenerallyacceptedthatthetechnologyisadvancingatanamazingspeedin...

2019-12-13 22:25:33

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