Crossthebigdesert?----Crossingthebigdesert?

　　Climbthehighmountian?--Climbing

　　Orsailtheseaalone?---sailing

　　ifyoudaretodreamwiththeiractions-----ifyoudaretodreamandtakeactions

　　InthebookDesertmountainSea,threewomenreallymovedme--中式英语

　　改为Iwasmovedbythe3womeninthebookDesertmountainSea.

　　RonbynisoneofthemostbravestwomenthatIhaveeverseen.----

　　最高级写错了,最勇敢thebravest

　　First,Shecouldmakeabravedecisionwhichisgongacrossdesertwithcamels----读着真别扭.gongacross是笔误么?

　　改为First,shemadeabravedecisiontocrossdesertwithcamels.不需要从句WHICH了,太罗嗦.

　　finally,shesucceededaftershetastedallthepain---改为sufferedallthepain.

　　Andshesawtheseawhichiswideanddeepasherdream---

　　Finally,shesawthewideanddeepseajustlikeinherdream.就wideanddeep没必要用定语从句了.

　　点评：总体来说,文笔通顺,语病不多,逻辑清晰.

　　但是,总是用中文思维造句,先想好一句中文再逐字翻译成英文的写作方法也算是初学者常见的情况,多读多写,就能改进.

　　另外,1234四点言之无物,有凑字数嫌疑.

　　我不是中学教师.