MyBrother’sSuicideIsHelpingSaveLives

　　住在美国阿肯色州的妮基18岁,之前从没有听别人谈论过自杀这回事.但当这事发生在自己家人身上时,她觉得不能再沉默了.

　　Mylittlebrother,Tyler,andIwereextremelyclosegrowingup.We’dmakeuptop-secrethandshakesafterwatchingourfavoriteshow.Wespenthourstalkingaboutmusic:Iplaytheclarinet[单簧管],andTywasatruebandgeek[怪胎]whosetrumpet[小号]wasneverfaroutofhisreach.Sure,webickered[斗嘴]overstupidstuff—itdrovemecrazywhenhe’dleaveupthetoiletseatinthebathroom!Butwetoldeachothereverything.OrsoI’dthought.

　　我和弟弟泰勒自幼就非常亲近.我们会在看完最喜欢的节目后来个秘密握手;我们会花很长时间讨论音乐：我吹奏单簧管,泰则是一个不折不扣的乐队怪胎,小号从不离手.当然,我们也会为一些无聊小事争吵——每次他在浴室上完厕所却没有把厕所板放下我就抓狂!然而我们无话不说——或者我原以为是这样吧.

　　Dazed[茫然的]andConfused

　　茫然与困惑

　　TherewasnothingparticularlymemorableaboutthecoldmidwinterArkansasdaywhenTykilledhimself.Ty,14,gothomefrombandpracticeanddidtheusual:cheerfullygreetedeveryone,thenwentstraighttohisroomtopracticehistrumpet.Oncedinnerwasready,hejoinedmymom,mydad,andmetoeatbarbecued[烤肉]chickenwhilewatchingTV.InoticedthenthatTywasn’ttalkingmuch—typically[通常]heandmydadjokedaroundthewholetime.Butitdidn’tseemlikeanythingwaswrong,andaftertakingoutthetrash,Tywentbacktohisroom.IhadnoideaitwouldbethelasttimeI’dseehim.

　　泰自杀的那个仲冬天,寒冷的阿肯色一切如常,没有发生什么印象特别深刻的事情.14岁的泰参加完乐队训练后回到家,像平常那样高兴地向各人问好,然后径直走回自己房间练习小号.晚餐准备好后,他跟爸爸妈妈和我一边吃烤鸡,一边看电视.我发现泰没怎么说话——通常他和爸爸会不停地开玩笑.但没什么不对劲儿的.倒完垃圾后,泰回到自己的房间.我没想到这是我最后一次见他.

　　Itwasnearly8o’clockwhenIheardwhatsoundedlikeglassbreakingcomingfromTy’sroom.Mydadwenttofindoutwhathappened,thenmymomcheckedtoobeforedragging[拖,拉]meintotheirbedroom.“What’sgoingon?”Iasked.Shewascryingsohard,shecouldn’tanswer.Thenmydadshowedupwithallofourshoesandcoatsandscreamed,“He’sstillgotapulse[脉搏].We’regoingtotheemergencyroom[急救室]!”

　　差不多8点的时候,我听见泰的房间里传出类似玻璃破碎的声音.爸爸过去看看发生什么事.妈妈也去查看了,之后她把我拉到他们房间.“发生什么事了?”我问.她哭得很厉害,根本无法作答.爸爸随后拿着我们的鞋子和外套出现了,他叫道：“他还有脉搏.我们要去急救室!”

　　“Oh,myGod,Idon’tgetit!Whathappened?”Iyelled.Butnooneansweredme.Allofasudden,anambulance[救护车]wasatmyhouse,andwegotintothecarandspedoffbehindit.Whenwearrivedatthehospital,MomandIwereputinaprivateroomwhilemydadcheckedonTy.“What’sgoingon?!”Iaskedagain.Momwashyperventilating[强力呼吸],butshewasabletocatchherbreathenoughtosay,“Tytriedtokillhimself.”

　　“噢,我的天啊,我不明白!发生什么事了?”我叫道.但没有人回答我.突然,一辆救护车来到我家.我们也上了车,驱车紧跟其后.到达医院后,妈妈和我被安排在一个单间,爸爸则去查看泰的情况.“到底怎么回事?!”我再次问到.妈妈竭力地呼吸,但终于能够缓过气说话：“泰试图自杀.”

　　Iwasintotaldenial[否认].“That’snotfunny!”Iyelled.Thenmydadreturned,lookedatmymom,andshookhisheadasiftosay,“Tydidn’tmakeit.”Mymompassedout[昏倒].Ididn’thaveanyemotion.Iwasn’tevencrying.NOTHINGmadesense[有意义].

　　我一点也不相信.“开什么玩笑!”我叫道.爸爸回来了.他看着妈妈摇了摇头,仿佛在说：“泰没活过来.”妈妈晕倒了.我一点感觉也没有,甚至没有哭.一切都显得毫无意义.

　　FeelingLost

　　怅然若失

　　AfterTyshothimself,myfamilyalternated[交替,轮流]betweentearsandsilence,barelyleavingthehouse.Ididn’tgotoschoolformorethanfourmonths.Ijustcouldn’tunderstandwhyhe’ddoneit—he’dneversaidthatanythingwaswrong,anditwasn’tuntilafterTydiedthathisfriendtoldusthatmybrotherhadconfessed[承认,坦白]tohavingthoughtsofsuicide[自杀].Iwe