不错

　　Good!!

　　总的来说不错，感情也很真挚，亲的英语蛮不错的，我帮你看了几个地方，仅供参考

　　Dearchildren（用friends比较好）

　　Whereamazinghappened.OnMay12th,therewasaearthquakeinyourhometown.WhenIheardof（of可以不要了）thenews，Itmademeunbelievable（这个词这么用不太好，最好是说itshockedmealot),didn'tit?Iamreallysorrytohearthat.

　　NowmanypeoplefromacrossChinaarehelpingyoubuildyourhometown.They'reallfriendlytoyou.aren'tthey?

　　Duringtheearthquake,Ithinkeachofyouhasbecomeawarrior.Andthewarriordoesn'tafraidanything.Ithinkyoucangetoveranydifficulties,can'tyou?（这一段用的反问句有点多，最好把句式转换一下，）

　　Ifyoualsohavesomeproblems.（这一句可以改成ifyouneedanyhelp)Youcancallmeat0532-87654321.

　　iwilltrymybesttohelpyou.

　　Don'tworry!Ibelievethingswillbefantastic(应该改成allright，地震嘛，怎么能变得fantastic呢？这里应当是同情的语气哈）soon.

　　Bestwishes

　　Yours,

　　Mike

　　Dearfriends,

　　Whereamazinghappened.OnMay12th,therewasaearthquakeinyourhometown.WhenIheardthenews.Icouldn'tbelieve,Iamsosorrytohearthat.

　　Now,manypeoplefromacrossChinaarehelpingyoubuildyourhometown.They'reallfriendlytoyou.aren'tthey?

　　Duringtheearthquake,Ithinkeachofyouhasbecomeawarrior.Andthewarriordoesn'tafraidangthing.SoIamsureyoucangetoveranydifficulties！

　　Iamtryingmybesttohelpyou.

　　Don'tworry!Wemustbelievethateverythingswillbeallrightsoon.

　　Bestwishes

　　Yours,

　　Mike

　　在原基础上改了一下下