英语幽默笑话：

　　一：SheDidn"tSayAnything

　　AmotherandsonwerewashingdisheswhilethefatheranddaughterwerewatchingTVintheroom.Suddenly,therewasacrashofbreakingdishes,thencompletesilence.

　　Thegirllookedatherfatherandsaid,“ItwasMom”.

　　“Howdoyouknow?”askedherfather.

　　“Shedidn"tsayanything.”

　　二：IHaveTurnedItOver

　　Awomansaidtoherhusband,“dear,lookatoursheet!It"stoodirty.Wouldyouliketowashitnow?”

　　Themanlookedatthesheetandthenthoughtforawhileandthensaid,“Idon"tthinkit"snecessary.Wecanturnthesheetover.Isthatallright?”

　　三、40overLilotusheartdiseasearisessuddenly,isescortedtothehospitalfirstaid.Theconditionextremelytoobad,theLilotusfeltoneselfnearlyallalreadydied.

　　Intherescue,theLilotushasheardGod'ssoundsuddenly:"Youcannotdie,youalsomaylivefor45years6months02days,hasthecouragetogoonliving!"

　　Certainly,theresultwastheLilotusmiracleisrevived.Afterthebodyrecovers,theLilotusthoughtoneselfalsocanliveformorethan40years,then□hasanxiouslyisleavingthehospital,firstrepairstheface,thenmakesupthelip,thenistheprosperouschest,finallyisthethinabdomen,continuouslyhasundergone4cosmetologysurgeriesaltogether,thenwascalledthespecializedhairstylisttovisittheservice,changedhassentthecolor,hasmadethenewtidehairstyle,theentirestaturelookedat□theyoungseveralyearsold.

　　Afterlastthereshapingsurgerycompletes,theLilotusthenhappilyhandledleftthehospitaltheprocedure,□thoughtactuallytheambulancewhichrapidly驶过by撞死intheentrance.

　　Aftertheheaven,theLilotushasbeenangryinterrogatesGod:"SinceyouhadsaidIalsomaylivefor45years,thenyoushouldnoteattheword."

　　Godawkwardly耸了耸肩,replies:"Reallyissorry,atthattime,thevehiclehitwhenyou......Ihavenotrecognizedamyou."

　　英语笑话这里面有的,可以看看：

　　英语幽默

　　双关歇后语：

　　Teacher:Whyareyoulateforschooleverymorning?

　　Tom:EverytimeIcometothecorner,asignsays,"School-Goslow".

　　老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?

　　汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".

　　DoYouKnowMyWork?

　　Onenightahotelcaughtfire,andthepeoplewhowerestayinginitranoutintheirnightclothes．

　　Twomenstoodoutsideandlookedatthefire．

　　“BeforeIcameout,”saidone,“Iranintosomeoftheroomsandfoundalotofmoney．Peopledon'tthinkofmoneywhenthey'reafraid．Whenanyoneleavespapermoneyinafire,thefireburnsit．SoItookallthebillsthatIcouldfind．NoonewillbepoorerbecauseItookthem．”

　　“Youdon'tknowmywork,”saidtheother．

　　“Whatisyourwork?”

　　“I'mapoliceman．

　　“Oh!”criedthefirstman．Hethoughtquicklyandsaid,“Anddoyouknowmywork?”“No,”saidthepoliceman．

　　“I'mawriter．I'malwaystellingstoriesaboutthingsthatneverhappened．”

　　译文：（自己简单翻译）

　　你知道我是干什么的吗?

　　一天晚上,一家旅馆失火,住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来.

　　两个人站在外面,看着大火.

　　“在我出来之前,”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间,找到了一大笔钱.人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的.如果有人把纸币留在火里,火就会把它烧成灰烬.所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了.没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷.”

　　“你不知道我是干什么的.”另一个说.

　　“你是干什么的?”

　　“我是警察.”

　　“噢!”第一个人喊了一声.他灵机一动,说：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道.”警察说.