Onesimplethingthatchangedmylife

　　Lookingbackatmyjourneyofovercomingsocialanxiety,Irealizethereisonesimplethingthatchangedmylife.OfcoursetherewerealotoflifestylechangesIhadtomake,butthissimplecomponentreallyfreedmymind:selftalk.

　　Weallhaveanalmostconstantstreamofthoughtcommentatingonourlives.Wecanchoosetopayattentiontoit,ortoletitrunwildinoursubconscious.Therearemomentswhenourinnervoicequiets-thisisthegoalofmeditation,andthereareothersituationswhenthishappens,suchasduringintenseexercise,duringanorgasm,orwhenwebecomeextremelyinvolvedinanactivity(somecallthis"beinginthezone").Butit'smucheasiertotakeactivecontrolofourselftalkthantoquietit.

　　Withsocialanxiety,selftalkisoftennegativeandirrational,andit'stheveryrootofthefightorflightresponse.Whenwecontrolourselftalk,essentiallywecontrolourthoughtsandemotions.Thereare3componentstoselftalk,andthey'rethesameaswhenwespeakaloud:content,speed,andtonality.Tryreadingthefollowingsentenceinyourhead,payingcloseattentiontoyourinnervoice:

　　"I'mreadingthisinmymind,listeningtomyinnervoice.I'mpracticingselftalk.SickJokeistheman."(okyoucanskipthepartaboutme)

　　Whenyoureaditinyourmind,youshouldbehearingyourownvoice.Nowtryreadingitagain,andpretendyou'reinslowmotion,sayingonly1wordinyourmindpersecond...Awesome.Nowreaditlikesomeonejustcutyouoffatanintersectionandyou'rereallypissedoff...Noticehowyoucancontrolthespeedandtonality.

　　Sohowisthisusefulineverydaylife?Bytakingactivecontrolofourselftalk,wecontrolourthoughtsthroughthecontentofourselftalk.Andwecontrolouremotionsthroughthespeedandtonalityofourselftalk.

　　Let'sapplyselftalktoahypotheticalsituation.Timmyhasextremesocialanxiety,andherealizesheneedstobuyacouplethingsatthegrocerystore.

　　Timmynottakingadvantageofselftalk:

　　Inaslow,dreadfulvoice,Timmythinks"Ohgod,Ihavetogotothestore.Thisisgoingtobe****ingawful."Ashewalksdownthestreet,histhoughtsaresofastthattheyarebarelyunderstandable,andthetonalityisweakandfrightened:"UmamIwalkinguhnormally?Uharepeopleumstaringatme?UmIhopetherearen'tuhalotofumpeopleinthestore."Hegoestothestoreandcompleteshistrivialtask,butwhenhegetshomehe'sexhaustedandbeatinghimselfupoverwhatafoolhethinkshemadeoutofhimself.

　　Timmytakingadvantageofselftalk:

　　Inamatter-of-fact,nonchalantvoice,Timmythinks"Ohyeah,gottagrabsomethingsatthestore."Ashewalksdownthestreet,histhoughtsareslowandclear,andthetonalityisdeepandrelaxed:"Ahyeahwhataniceday.Mmm,that'sacutegirloverthere.Nowlet'ssee,whatdoIneedtobuy..."Hegoestothestoreandcompleteshistrivialtask,andwhenhegetshomehe'sfeelingawesome.

　　Rememberit'snotjustthewords,butespeciallythespeedandtonalitymakesthedifference.It'snotjustwhatwesayinourminds,buthowwesayit.

　　Sothereitis,suchasimplethingthatchangedmylife.Ihopeithelps.