ThelifeIdesired

　　我所追求的生活

　　Thatmustbethestoryofinnumerablecouples,andthepatternoflifeoflifeitoffershasahomelygrace.Itremindsyouofaplacidrivulet,meanderingsmoohtlythroughgreenpasturesandshadedbypleasanttrees,tillatlastitfallsintothevastysea;buttheseaissocalm,sosilent,soinfifferent,thatyouaretroubledsuddentlybyavagueuneasiness.Perhapsitisonlybyakinkinmynature,stronginmeeveninthosedays,thatifeltinsuchanexistence,theshareofthegreatmajority,somethingamiss.Irecognizeditssocialvalue.Isawitsorderedhappiness,butafeverinmybloodaskedforawildercourse.Thereseemedtomesomethingalarminginsucheasydelights.Inmyheartwasdesiretolivemoredangerously.Iwasnotunpreparedforjaggedrocksandtreacherous,shoalsitIcouldonlyhavechange-changeandtheexicitementofunforeseen.

　　这一定是世间无数对夫妻的生活写照,这种生活模式给人一种天伦之美.它使人想起一条平静的溪流,蜿蜒畅游过绿茵的草场,浓荫遮蔽,最后注入烟波浩渺的汪洋大海；但是大海太过平静,太过沉默,太过不动声色,你会突然感到莫名的不安.也许这只是我自己的一种怪诞想法,在那样的时代,这想法对我影响很深：我觉得这像大多数人一样的生活,似乎欠缺了一点儿什么.我承认这种生活有社会价值,我也看到了它那井然有序的幸福,但我血液里的冲动却渴望一种更桀骜不驯的旅程．这样的安逸中好像有一种叫我惊惧不安的东西．我的心渴望一种更加惊险的生活.只要生活中还能有变迁———以及不可知的刺激,我愿意踏上怪石嶙峋的山崖,奔赴暗礁满布的海滩.