写了篇TOELF的大作文有牛人来帮忙看看有什么好改进的地方不-查字典问答网
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  写了篇TOELF的大作文有牛人来帮忙看看有什么好改进的地方不.我知道自己写的不太好~Topic:DoyouagreeordisagreeUniversitiesshouldgivethesameamountofmoneytotheirstudent`sportactivitiesasastheygivetot

  写了篇TOELF的大作文有牛人来帮忙看看有什么好改进的地方不.我知道自己写的不太好~

  Topic:DoyouagreeordisagreeUniversitiesshouldgivethesameamountofmoneytotheirstudent`sportactivitiesasastheygivetotheirunversitylibraties?

  Throughthesocialdevelopmentsriseaseriousdebate,whichdemonstrateswhethertheuniversityshouldgivethesameamountofmoneytotheirstudents`sportactivitiesratherthentheygivetotheiruniversitylibraries.Incasetomakeachoice,thescaleofmyjudgmentwillsurelyinclinetowardthenegativesofthisadvice.Numerousreasonshereuponlistedwilljustifymypointonthistopic.

  Someoneconsiderthatthemostimportantreasonforuniversitiestogivethesameamountofmoneytotheirstudent’ssportactivitiesisthestudents`health.Atfirstglance,theargumentseemstobemorereasonable:however,aclosescrutinyrevealshowgroundlessitis.

  First,letustakethefunctionalcomponentofauniversity.AuniversityisnotonlymeantosomebuildingsArenownedBritishphilosopherBertrandRussell,oncementionedinhismasterpieceTheHistoryOfTheWesternPhilosopherthat"universitiesarenotinformationprovider,butsoulcomforter.”Asthehearttothemankind,libraryissoimportanttoauniversity.Itwilllightentheburdenoneverystudenttochasedream.Historyislikeabigswing,danglingbetweenthedepthofwisdomandfoolishness.Fortunately,itisthewisdom,nottheskillofsport,especiallytheknowledgewesearchinginthelibrary,thatcontributestotheprosperityofourpresentcivilization.

  Althoughthefunctionisprobablythemostimportantdeterminate,itisnottheonlyreasonformypoint.Theshortageofthemoneyisalsoacomponentshouldbeconsideratenecessary.Becauseoftheincreaseofpopulation,atpresentsociety,studentsarealsopressuredwithatremendousamountofcompetitionfromothers.Tomakethestudentshuntagoodjobwhentheygraduatedfromuniversity,thereisobviouslynootherwaythantogivemoreamountofmoneytothelibrary.

  Lastbutnotleast,themoreexpensivesportactivitiesnevermeanyoucanbehealthier.AccordingthesurveyconductedbyTimes,runningisthebestsportforhealth.However,runningdoesnotcostanymoney.

  Inconclusion,whilesomepeople

1回答
2020-05-04 20:57
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沈震宇

  第1句就错..语法错,用词错

  这句ratherthan后面不要加they(加了读起来很怪)

  还有,大学这个不是社会发展的问题,是教育的问题

  incase是以防万一的意思

  judgement不要用scale描述

  第1段最后一句话需要修改

  用activevoice,不要用passivevoice

  "Someoneconsiderthatthemostimportantreasonforuniversitiestogivethesameamountofmoneytotheirstudent’ssportactivitiesisthestudents`health."

  不应该是someoneconsider,一是语法错,someone是单数,动词怎么加都应该是considers,但这里我建议你用somepeoplemayconsider

  在你还没有说之前2个原因的时候,最好不要用mostimportant..国外作文,最重要的点,放在最后.你需要几个arguement,notonlyone..

  togive"out"thesameamountofmoney和什么相同的钱?

  要在后面加as,thesameamountofmoneyas...

  最好不用atfirstglance,而且在first,second,third之前要加the,用firstofall(不需要the),或者firstly

  第2段需要改

  文章写法我先说下,第1段,开头,立你的中心句,focussentence,而你把你的重点放进了第2段,focussentence里不能加may,might,could,这样不确定的词,你要让看的人觉得你这句话很坚定,你要自己先坚定,才有可能说服别人

  接下来几段就是你的arguements

  你的几段transitionwords不错(transitionwords是比如however,therefore,and,but...etc.for"however"and"therefore",youneedasemicolonbeforethesetwoword,希望你已经知道了)

  你的文章,每段字数不要相差太大,你比较下你最短的那段和最长的那段相差多少.

  所以当中几段你自己再去改,蛮有问题的,特别说倒数第2段,你才开了个头,你需要examplesoryourpersonalexperiences..国外写文章,这种persuasiveessay,youhavetohaveyourarguements,andtheyshouldbeclearlystated

  forconclusion,youeitherrestateyourstatementsinotherwords,ordevelopsomethingmore,somethinglike,inthefuture...etc.

  还有,多用activevoice,少用passivevoice

  activevoice是imadethecake

  passivevoiceis:thecakewasmadebyme

  文章一般5段,1intro,2-4arguementswhicharethebodyparagraphs,5conclusion

2020-05-04 21:01:10

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