akeadeepbreathbeforeyouact.Giveyourchildachancetoworkthingsout."Evenacryinginfanteventuallylearnstofallasleepwithoutbeingheld.Whenyourhomesickfreshmancallsintears,listenandgiveherachancetoworkthingsout,"Coburnsays.

　　Helpyourchildlearntonegotiateconflicts."Encouragingyourtoddlertousewordsratherthangrabhershovelbackfromanotherchildinthesandboxmaybethefirstlessonintheartofconflictresolution.Whenafreshmanislearningtolivewithastranger,agentlereminderoftheseskillsmaybejustwhatisneeded."

　　Helpyourchildlearntocopewithdisappointment.Empathizewithyourgradeschoolagechildwhenheisn'tinvitedtoabirthdaypartyoristhelastonepickedforthekickballteam."Insteadoftryingto'fixit,'"saysCoburn,"helphimtomoveon.Thehighschoolstarathletemaybecomeabenchwarmerincollege,andthehighschoolacademicstarmaystrugglefora'B'or'C'attheuniversityandthosecopingskillswillmakeallthedifference."

　　Supportyourchild'sinterestsandpassions.Youmayhavebeenhopingforahomefilledwiththesoundofmusic,butinsteadofthepianoyoursonismadaboutmetalsmithing."Whenyourpre-meddaughterannouncesshe'sswitchingtoarthistory,sheneedsyoutoencourageherforwhosheisbecoming,notwhoyouthoughtshewouldbe,"Coburnsays.

　　Helpyourchildlearntosolveproblemsandadvocateforhimself.Aquickfixfromarescuingparentmayfeellikeatemporaryreliefforbothparentandchild,buttheLittleLeaguedadwhoyellsattherefereeforthebadcallthatstruckouthischilddoesn'thelpthechildlearntosolveproblemsorgainconfidence."Collegestudentsgrowwhenparentslistentotheirproblemsandhelpthemstrategize,ratherthanjumpinfortherescue,"shesays.

　　Encourageyourchildtodreambigdreamsandsetachievablegoals.Supportyourmiddle-schooler'sdreamsofrunningamarathon,buthelpherfirstachieveher5Kgoal."Engageyourcollegestudentindialogue鈥notjustaboutgrades鈥butwhatshehopestoexploreandlearn.Encouragehertosetgoalseachsemester."

　　Loosenthereinsalittleatatime.Increaseyourchild'sfreedomandresponsibilityalittlemoreeachyear."Onceheleavesforcollegehe'llbedecidingwhenandhowmuchtosleepandeat鈥whenhe'llgooutandwithwhom,wherehe'llgoandwhenhe'llreturn;what,whereandhowlonghe'llstudy.Lethimlearntousethisfreedomandresponsibilitywhilestillunderyourwing."

　　Teachyourchildtomanagemoney."Duringtheearlyyearspiggybanks,allowancesandhouseholdjobsaretoolstoteachaboutmoneymanagement.Whenteenagersareallowedtomakechoicesaboutthemoneythey'vesaved,realitysetsin.Beforetheyleaveforcollege,teachthemaboutthepitfallsofmultiplecreditcardsandhowtomanageabudget,"Coburnsays.

　　Helpyourchildlearntomanagetime."Whenaparenttellsachildatplaythathehasfiveminutesuntilheneedstoputawaytoysbeforedinner,thismaybethefirstinmanystepstowardstimemanagement.Analarmclockcomesnext.Forthehighschoolstudentit'slearningtheconsequencesforgettingtoolittlesleeporbeinglateforanappointment.Thecollegestudentwhoknowshowtomanagetime鈥withoutparentalnagging鈥hasabigadvantage."

　　Beacoach.Fromthe"Idoitmyself"mantraoftoddlers,totheemphaticallyindependentstanceofcollegestudents,youngpeopleoftenneedencouragem