100分!帮忙看下雅思作文有几分啊语法思路结构用词方面的给些建议谢谢（满意后追加20）IELTS题目:Insomecountriestheaverageweightofpeopleisincreasingandtheirlevelsofhealthandfitnessaredecreasing.W

　　100分!帮忙看下雅思作文有几分啊语法思路结构用词方面的给些建议谢谢（满意后追加20）

　　IELTS题目:Insomecountriestheaverageweightofpeopleisincreasingandtheirlevelsofhealthandfitnessaredecreasing.Whatdoyouthinkarethecauseoftheseproblemsandwhatmeasurescouldbetakentosolvethem?

　　Givenreasonsforyouranswerandincludeanyrelevantexamplesfromyourownknowledgeorexperience.

　　文章：

　　Nowadays,manypeopleinsomecountrieswitnesstheincreaseofaverageweightwhichcausethefalloftheirhealthlevels.Therefore,itissignificantforthosepeopletofindsomeeffectivesolutions.Thereareseveralreasonsforthischallengingsituation.Thisessaywillsummarisesomepotentialcausesandputforwardpossiblesolutions.

　　Therearethreemainpotentialreasonsforit.Firstly,modernlifestylesuchaseatingtoomuchjunkfoodincreasepeople’sfat.Secondly,manypeopleprefersittingintheofficeandfacingcomputersalldaywithoutenoughoutdooractivities,causingnegativeontheirhealthandweightcontrol.Finally,manypeoplearenotwillingtogotohospitalwhenfacingsomehealthproblemslikegettingfeverbecausetheythinkitisinconvenientandtroublesome.

　　AsfarasIamconcerned,someeffectiveactionscouldbetaken.Itisagoodchoicetoeatmorevegetablesandfruitswhichkeepsbalanceddiet.Takemymotherforexample:shehadlosttwentykilogramsafterhavingbalanceddiet.Moreover,takingmoresportsishelpfulforlosingweight.Forinstance,aftermyfatherdecidingtoridebicycleeverymorning,hehadlosesomeweightandhisbodyconditionimprovedalot.Anothergoodsuggestionisthatgotohospitalregularlytocheckyourbodycondition.Anexamplefrommygrandfatherthatbecausehekeptcheckingtheirbodyconditioneverymonth,itisluckyforhimtofindcancerintimeandmadesuccessfulactiontoremoveit.Socheckingyourbodyconditionregularlycannotbeignored.

　　Thisessayexplainssomereasonsandpointsoutsomegoodsolutionstoreduceweightandimprovehealth.Althoughthosesuggestionsareefficient,themostimportantistopersistuntilsucceed.

　　能不能详细说说呢