请帮我修改一下一首英文诗,毕业后的纪念特别重要,希望大家帮我-查字典问答网
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  请帮我修改一下一首英文诗,毕业后的纪念特别重要,希望大家帮我好好改一下就要毕业了,写了一下几年的感触,这事有点舍不得,不想留下什么遗憾,所以特想写好一点,希望大家我我改一下,多

  请帮我修改一下一首英文诗,毕业后的纪念特别重要,希望大家帮我好好改一下

  就要毕业了,写了一下几年的感触,这事有点舍不得,不想留下什么遗憾,所以特想写好一点,希望大家我我改一下,多谢了.

  Dawnblossomspluckedatdusk

  Eternityisnotjustdiamond,

  Somememories,afteronehundredyears,

  Itstillclearlyremains,aliveinourheart.

  Thoseweretheday,whenIwasinnocent,whenIwaschildish,

  Whenwehavealwaysthoughtabouttheendlessstudies,

  Whenwehavealwayscomplainedaboutthetoomuchwork,

  Whenwehavealwaysthoughtthatthedayhadneverend.

  Sumerturnstowinter,

  Saplingbecametrees.

  Itwasthetimetopart,

  toleavefromtheknownplace.

  Itwasthetimestide,

  quietly,wipedoutourcorners.

  Here,wehavespentmanyseasons,springandfall,

  Here,wehavekeepmanymemories,laughterwithtears,

  Here,wehaveleftalotoffootprints,aroundaway,

  Here,wehavelearnedtooandtoomuch,livetolife.

  Wehavealwaysdreamedtoleave,butwhenthedreamcometrue,

  Wejustcouldnotletusgo.

  Nowwearegoingtopart,nowwearenotnaughtyagain.

  Allthingswillbewritteninthehistory,

  whichwewillkeepdeepinourhearts.

  It'ssuchaspecialfeeling

  Tocloseoureyesandreminisceawhile.

  Thetiderecedes,butleavesbehindbrightseashellsonthesand.

  Foreveryjoythatpasses,somethingbeautifulremains.

  谢谢大家帮忙,但我还有一个小问题语法的错误已经被Jen小文大师纠正了,能不能在帮再我把这首诗改的更加押韵一点,更加顺畅一点,总是觉得读起来比较绕口,不是那么流畅.

1回答
2020-05-15 01:17
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  诗写的很不错啊,你这是大学还是什么毕业呢?

  多处有小型语法错误,但是不影响理解你的意思.

  以后想改诗尽量标明行数,这样比较容易评论.

  1Dawnblossomspluckedatdusk

  2Eternityisnotjustdiamond,

  3Somememories,afteronehundredyears,

  4Itstillclearlyremains,aliveinourheart.

  5Thoseweretheday,whenIwasinnocent,whenIwaschildish,

  6Whenwehavealwaysthoughtabouttheendlessstudies,

  7Whenwehavealwayscomplainedaboutthetoomuchwork,

  8Whenwehavealwaysthoughtthatthedayhadneverend.

  9Sumerturnstowinter,

  10Saplingbecametrees.

  11Itwasthetimetopart,

  12toleavefromtheknownplace.

  13Itwasthetimestide,

  14quietly,wipedoutourcorners.

  15Here,wehavespentmanyseasons,springandfall,

  16Here,wehavekeepmanymemories,laughterwithtears,

  17Here,wehaveleftalotoffootprints,aroundaway,

  18Here,wehavelearnedtooandtoomuch,livetolife.

  19Wehavealwaysdreamedtoleave,butwhenthedreamcometrue,

  20Wejustcouldnotletusgo.

  21Nowwearegoingtopart,nowwearenotnaughtyagain.

  22Allthingswillbewritteninthehistory,

  23whichwewillkeepdeepinourhearts.

  24It'ssuchaspecialfeeling

  25Tocloseoureyesandreminisceawhile.

  26Thetiderecedes,butleavesbehindbrightseashellsonthesand.

  27Foreveryjoythatpasses,somethingbeautifulremains.

  4:it...remains单数,与前边memories负数不搭配,建议Stillremainclearly,aliveinourhearts.

  5:thoseweretheday"day"该加s

  6:第8行也用到thought,建议这里找些更丰富的词汇.参考:Whenwehavealwaysworriedabouttheendlessstudies,

  7:thetoomuchwork不应该用特指,建议Whenwehavealwayscomplainedoftoomuchworktodo,

  8:had应该改为would

  9:summer两个m,turns改为turned(下边用became,是过去式)

  10:sapling加s

  13-14:timestide应该是Time'stide或tideoftime.前边用了itwas,后边wiped应该是wiping.

  16:keep改为kept

  18:livetolife猜不出你什么意思额,建议lifeandlove

  19:toleave改为ofleaving;come改为came

  结尾很好,看的出用心了

2020-05-15 01:21:09

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