【托福独立作文求批改!给出建议和大概分数Doyouagree-查字典问答网
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  【托福独立作文求批改!给出建议和大概分数Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement?Themostimportantaspectofajobisthemoneyapersonearns.Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouranswer.Itistruethatmone】

  托福独立作文求批改!给出建议和大概分数

  Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement?Themostimportantaspectofajobisthemoneyapersonearns.Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouranswer.

  Itistruethatmoneyplaysacrutialpartinourlife.Weneedmoneyforalmosteverything.ButIopposetheopinionthatmoneyisthemostimportantpartofajob.Therearereallymuchimportantthingsthanmoneyinajob.Forinstance,friendship,experienceandfeelingsyougetwhenyouareworking.

  Friendshipthatwegetfromajobcanbereallyvaluable.Weknowthatinacompany,everyonewantsahigherpositionandhighersalary.Forthatreason,manypeoplewilldoeverythingtoreachtheirgoal.Youhavenoideawhowantstotrapyouorwhoreallylikesyou.That’swhyIsaidthatfriendshipisreallytreasureableduringyouwork.Evenifyouhavealargeamountofmoney,youcannotbuytruefriendship.

  Experienceisalsoanimportantaspecectofajob.Inacompany,youcandolotsofthingsthatyouhaveneverdonebefore.Forexample,youmaydesignabuildingoryouwillholdameetinglikearealadults.Youmaydothosethingsallforthefirsttime.Perhapsyoudidn’tdowellforthefirsttime,butyouwillbebetterandbetterbypractise.That’swhatpeoplealwayssay,practisemakesperfect.Theseexperiencemakesyouperfectstepbysyep.Andyoucannotgetthatbymoney.

  Thelastthingwhichisalsocrucialisthefeelings.Atwork,sometimesyoumayfeelhappyaboutyourlittlesuccessorthepraisefromyourboss.Sometimesyoumayfeelawfulaboutthepressurewhoevergivesyou.Sometimesyoumayembarrasedbecauseyourworkmatejustmockedatyourwork.Whateverthefeelingsare,badfeelingsorgoodfeelings,theyallmakeyourjobuniqueandfascinating.Alljobscangetmoneybutthefeelingsaretotallydifferent.

1回答
2020-05-29 10:11
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李金峰

  优:

  1.结构清晰,观点明确

  2.语言流畅,语法基本正确

  3.观点论述的挺好的

  缺:

  1.个别单词拼写还有小语法错误要注意,难得错几个没事,多了就会有影响了

  2.例子不具体,没有specific的支持你的观点

  3.字数太少,虽然托福要求字数是300,但是想拿好的分,起码写到400,要拿高分,起码500

  4.结尾段哪儿去了?

  大概分数20出点头吧

2020-05-29 10:13:15

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