【各位大大,关于托福OG上独立写作范文的问题,我怎么感觉那篇5分范文很垃圾,结构感觉不清晰很多语言感觉很啰嗦的,用词错误的地方就不说了.不知道是不是我的水平不够,还是我习惯了用XDF那】

　　各位大大,关于托福OG上独立写作范文的问题,我怎么感觉那篇5分范文很垃圾,结构感觉不清晰

　　很多语言感觉很啰嗦的,用词错误的地方就不说了.不知道是不是我的水平不够,还是我习惯了用XDF那套写作套路,还请各位指点,让我认识自己的缺点呀

　　DISHONESTYKILLSRELIABILITY

　　Therearecertainconsiderationsorfactorsthateveryonetakesintoaccountinarelationship.Peoplemaylookforhonesty,altruism,understanding,loyalty,beingthoughtfuletc!Everyonewouldmoreorlesswishthatthepersons/heis

　　dealingwith,hassomeofthesevirtuesabove.Puttingtheminanorderaccordingtotheirimportance,howevercanbeverysubjectiveandrelative.

　　Whensomeoneaskshim/herselfthequestion“WhatdoI

　　considertobethemostimportantthinginmyrelationship?”theanswer

　　dependsonalotoffactorssuchashowhis/herearlierrelationshipswere.

　　Afterstatingthateveryone’sopinion

　　canbedifferentaboutthis,formehonesty,inotherwords,alwaystellingthe

　　truthisthemostimportantconsiderationinarelationship.Oppositeofthis

　　isinarguablylyingandifsomeoneneedstolie,eithers/heishiding

　　somethingorisafraidoftellingmesomething.

　　Inanyrelationshipofmine,Iwouldwishthatfirstofall,the

　　personI’mdealingwithishonest.Eventhoughs/hethinksthats/hedid

　　somethingwrongthatIwouldn’tlike,s/he’dbettertellmethetruthandnot

　　lieaboutit.LateronifIfindoutaboutalieorhearthetruthfromsomeone

　　else,that’dbemuchmoreunpleasant.InthatcasehowcanIeverbelieveor

　　trustthatpersonagain?HowcanIeverbelievethatthispersonhasenough

　　confidenceinmetoforgivehim/herandcarryonwiththerelationshipfrom

　　there.SoifIcannottrustapersonanymore,ifthepersondoesn’tthinkI

　　canhandlethetruth,there’snopointtocontinuingthatrelationship.

　　AlthoughIwouldliketoseealtruistic,understanding,thoughtful

　　andloyalbehaviorfrompeople,aninstanceoftheoppositeofthesebehaviors

　　wouldnotupsetmeasmuchasdishonestywould.Amongallthepossible

　　behaviors,dishonestyistheonlyoneformethatterminateshowIfeelabouta

　　person’sreliability.Thereforehonestywouldbem